But wait! THERE’S MORE!

So I’ve already discussed the fact that I’m pretty much obsessed with the Food Network. But what I haven’t told you guys is that I’m also really kind of obsessed with kitchen gadget infomercials.

Generally, I’m a huge fan of kitchen gadgets. I can literally spend hours in Williams Sonoma and the Corelle store just ogling at all the different machines and contraptions with complete gadgetlust. I keep a running list in my head of things I’m going to buy once I’m in the moneys. In fact, heaven help any future fiance of mine because he will have no say whatsoever in our wedding gift registry. Most likely it will exclusively include all of the kitchen machinery I’ve ever wanted.

That being said, kitchen gadget infomercials combine two of my favorite things: television and appliances. Any time I’m channel surfing and I see that old lady with that fluffy, thinning and obviously fake red hair talking to an equally old, gray guy, I immediately stop surfing and watch in utter fascination as she spoons omelets out of  and cooks miniature steaks in that weird waffle maker/convection cooker/panini press. Or when that jolly New York Italian chef who looks just like Chef Boyardee is hocking knives that he promises will never dull. Or even when that old guy sells that rotisserie and everyone in the audience screams, “SET IT AND FORGET IT!”

But probably my favorite infomercial of all time is the perennial Magic Bullet infomercial. You know why? BECAUSE IT HAS A STORY! Yeah, it’s almost like an entire TV episode. If you haven’t seen it (and seriously, if you haven’t seen it, you’re living under a freaking rock), a woman named Mimi and her husband (some generic British guy whose name escapes me) held a standard rager for middle-aged people the night before and all their guests are slowly stumbling into the kitchen in varying states of hangover. As they begin the slow recovery process, Mimi and her generic British husband prepare different breakfasts for their guests with the help of the Magic Bullet. It’s the miracle kitchen tool that can not only make breakfast, lunch and dinner, it can also prepare snacks, stop time, make you fly and cure cancer all in the blink of a fucking eye.

Of course, I understand that the Magic Bullet can’t actually do all of these things, especially at the speed that Mimi and Generic-British-Husband make you think it can. You know why? Because they’ve already gathered all the ingredients and pre-chopped the onions and blocks of cheeses into smaller, more manageable pieces. And that muffin batter? They already pre-mixed it! They just added the final ingredients in the Magic Bullet to make it look like it only took six seconds.

However, the Magic Bullet and its famous infomercial have stood the test of time despite its unattainable promises because its infomercial had a storyline. In fact, if all infomercial gadgets (not just kitchen appliances) employed a similar gimmick, I’m sure the manufacturers would find a significant leap in sales and much longer lasting power.

Just a thought.

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